so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
