i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
