I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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