I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
No subtext here. People are naked.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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