i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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