I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
