I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
