If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
