if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
