What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
