Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
