Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
