Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
