hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
When are your genitals available?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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