Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
