youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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