Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
