I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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