my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
