I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
