11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
