Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
