Apparently you make a good broom.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
