can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
