hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
