she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
