this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
