I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
