a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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