So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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