Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
