his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
