I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
