My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
