I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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