Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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