She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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