i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
