have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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