in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
