My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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