I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
