You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize