do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
