Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
