my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
