the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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