Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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