things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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