I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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