yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
