HIV tests are more positive than that guy
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
