I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
