pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize