This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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