I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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