I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
