I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
