Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
