You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
