Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I understand Curling. That high.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
