bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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