We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize