theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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