oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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