Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
