We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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