You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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