I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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