No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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