Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize