girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
