Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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